The Three Pillars For Leaving behind A Powerful Legacy
Fatherhood is a journey that isn’t to be taken for granted. Being a dad comes with superpowers that can change the lives of our kids and spouses, either for the better or worse. Never have dads been more needed to show up for their families than today. The reality for many families is heartbreaking. 25% of kids live in a home without a father. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Many dads are stuck on autopilot and just drifting through life without a purpose.
The Hero Dad Mission is to equip dads with the tools and skills needed to avoid being just another statistic. Every dad is meant to live as a hero for their kids. Don’t take that to mean all dads are supposed to live mistake-free. A hero dad isn’t a perfect dad. Heroic fathers have weaknesses, but they work extremely hard to learn from them and own their mistakes. They see mistakes not as failures, but as opportunities to teach, learn and grow.
The Three Pillars for leaving a powerful legacy for your kids
There are three pillars to living your life as a hero dad. The first pillar is saying yes to yourself by building self-care into your life. A heroic father understands that forgoing time to fill his own cup denies his family from experiencing the best version of himself. The ability to be a heroic father largely depends not only on taking the time for self-care but knowing exactly what you need to be able to recharge properly. Often self-care is needed the most during seasons of heightened pressure and intensity. A hero dad prioritizes preparation and builds self-care into these busy seasons refusing to sacrifice it so that he can be more fully present with his family even when the pressure is on.
The 2nd pillar is to prioritize your marriage. Your wife comes first and your kids need to know this. Assure her that she is your first love and your first priority. Build a strong connection with her and make her feel seen by setting aside time to be with her. Our job as parents is not to raise our kids to be merely functional adults, but to raise them to be adults that thrive. We set our kids up for success by treating our wives as the queens that they truly are. A hero dad doesn’t elevate his kids above his wife. Don’t make your children feel like the center of their own universe. This is a disservice to them. Instead, a hero dad teaches his sons through his own actions how they should treat their future wives, or if you have daughters it’s about modelling for them the caliber of man they should desire to lead their families.
The 3rd and final pillar needed to live your life as a hero dad is to be fully present with your kids. It doesn’t matter what age your children are. What they really need is simple and it never changes. What they need is YOU. What they need is their dad. A heroic father understands that time is the only thing we cannot get back. Our kids grow up so quickly. Put your phone away. Be in the moment. Play with them. Take them on dates. Teach them. Talk with them. Love them deeply. Make sure they know how much you care and how proud you are of them. Don’t be afraid to be real with them. Make sure they understand that you aren’t perfect, but despite that, you’ll continue to grow. Ensure they know you’re committed to never stop striving to be the hero dad you’re meant to be for them.
the hierarchy is important
Remember, the hierarchy is important here. The journey of a hero begins with having the courage to invest in yourself. You are the foundation and the key to completing the mission. If your cup isn’t full all the other relationships in your life are going to suffer as a result.
Your spouse comes next. In order for your marriage to flourish it needs to be cultivated. As the husband, you need to resolve to put in the work on your end to make your marriage great. She needs to know that she’s your queen. Your kids need to know this too. They need to see you putting her first. They want you to have a rock-solid marriage. It gives them the safety they long for.
Then comes Spending time with your kids. The importance of this pillar cannot be overstated. Time is everything to your kids. They notice when you take the time to be with them. They notice even more if you don’t. Do everything that you can to eliminate distractions and be fully present with them as often as you can.
pay attention to the cracks
In order to live out a heroic fatherhood, every pillar is crucial. The goal is to see all three of these pillars standing strong together. At the same time, its a foregone conclusion that you’ll have seasons where one pillar stands stronger than the others. This is to be expected. Don’t waver. All these points of attention serve the same purpose, to help you build the legacy of a hero dad. If you find that you are really struggling in one area lean on the others to support you as you work towards recovering. Concentrate on taking small steps and fortifying that pillar just a little bit at a time. Reach out to somebody who can lend some encouragement or guidance to help as well. Remember the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. These pillars, which represent the three areas of living as a hero dad, are going to crack and weather. The imperfections are always going to be there, but it’s important that you don’t neglect one of these areas for too long. Becoming a hero dad is like the construction of a building. They both need a solid foundation and maximum support, without which you may be able to get by for a bit, but eventually, the cracks will begin to show. Ultimately if these cracks, or blemishes, aren’t addressed the whole building will eventually come crumbling down. These cracks, if continually ignored, will affect the legacy of heroic fatherhood you want so deeply to create. A hero dad, like the magnificent building (pictured below), counts on the support of the other pillars to keep the structure upright. All three of these areas were created to work in unison and help give your legacy more purpose and definition.
If you’re married your kids are counting on your marriage to be strong. They want to feel safe. They need your reassurance. A great marriage and a thriving relationship with your kids starts with engaging in your own self-care. If you can’t take time for yourself the relationships with your loved ones will suffer. Your wife wants to see you being present and engaged with the kids. She wants you to have fun with them, be their coach, their teacher and their champion.
The effort required to live your life as the hero dad you’re meant to be is extensive. It isn’t easy. It takes commitment. It takes determination. It demands accountability. As a dad, there are many dark valleys that you’ll have to walk through, but the highs that fatherhood brings are incomparable to nearly anything else in life. They simply cannot be explained and need to be experienced to be understood. Live like a hero dad and start fortifying your pillars today by: saying yes to yourself and setting aside time to recharge ; prioritizing your marriage by building a strong connection with your wife and eliminating distractions and being fully present with your kids. Refuse to waste the time that you have with your loved ones. Don’t settle for being an ordinary father. You’re meant to be so much more. You’re meant to live as a hero dad. That’s the hero dad mission.
Shane Achey | Hero Dad Mission
Shane Achey, founder of the Hero Dad Mission blog, is a devoted husband of nearly 10 years. He is also a father to 4 kids, twin 4 year old boys, a 3 year old little girl and his newborn daughter. Shane’s vision is to walk alongside other men, helping them become the heroes they’re meant to be.
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