Why Writing Your Own Eulogy Makes You A Better Dad

If you’re like most dads you’ve never stopped to think about what your eulogy might say someday. Take a journey into the future and imagine that you have lived the perfect life. What would that look like? What would your kids say about you after you’re gone? Will people remember you as merely a nice guy who worked hard or a man of action that deeply loved his family and created a life and legacy that will benefit even your children’s children? Do you know where the gaps are in your life?

These are hard questions, but ones that you must ask yourself if you want to avoid one day looking back over your life with regret and disappointment. Recently, as a part of a mastermind I belong to, I went through an exercise where I wrote my own eulogy. Doing this showed me what living a perfect life might look like for me. Even more importantly than that, it gave me a glimpse into how it would make me feel. Reading it through and envisioning my children preparing for my funeral was one of the most powerful things that I’ve ever experienced. Being able to envision what my perfect life could look like was impactful, but the greatest takeaway was the light it shined on specific areas, or gaps, in my life where I need to get better. In this article, I'm going to walk you through how you can write your own eulogy and I’ll show you why it's a powerful exercise that will make you a better dad right now.

Why You Should Write Your Own Eulogy

Are you living a life that will allow you to leave behind a meaningful legacy that both your wife and kids can be proud? Do you know where you’re missing the mark as dad, a husband and a man? Writing your own eulogy will help to answer these important questions. This exercise will provide you with real clarity about what living the perfect life looks like for you. It will also shine a light on the areas of your life that need improvement. Then you can start taking action to turn the life you’ve envisioned into reality.

Where to Start

As with most things, the biggest hurdle to overcome is often just getting started. Writing your eulogy is no different. Personally, the “analysis paralysis” issue is something that has kept me from taking action on many things in my life. What I’ve learned is not to overthink things, find excuses and hold off on taking that step. Instead, the best thing that you can do is to just get started. Dive in and write down whatever comes to mind. Don’t worry about editing yourself. Just turn loose your emotions and feelings. You can come back and clean it up later. The most important thing is to get those thoughts out of your head and written down. Jot down whatever comes to mind for you. Don’t get hung up on perfection.

The Details Matter

The Location

Deciding where to do your writing can be very important. Ideally, you want to look for a place where you can eliminate distractions. If you’re like me and you have noisy toddlers at home you might be better off getting out of the house. You could try a nice spot outside if the weather permits. A local coffee shop or bookstore could be a good option as well. Whatever you choose make sure that you temporarily turn off notifications on your phone so you can really get zoned in.

Time of Day

What time of the day do you typically have the most energy? Are you a morning person or a night owl? Pinpoint the time of day where you can really hammer down and do your best work. Mornings can be a great option if you are able to get up before everyone else. Understandably, mornings can be difficult with the schedules that some have. If that's you then look to schedule some time in the evening. Don’t think about it too much, just find the best time for you and get started.

Preparing to Write

What helps you to get focused? Music can be a catalyst when you are writing. Maybe there’s a particular genre that stimulates your mind yet allows you to focus on the task at hand. If so, put in those headphones and get that music cranking.

Prayer and meditation are also great things you can try to calm your mind and prepare your body for this type of deep work. In addition to that, breathing exercises are another great way to relax the body and get you focused.

Point of View

Who will be giving your eulogy? Give this some thought. What feels right to you? Be sure to trust your gut. I personally just couldn’t see myself writing mine from the viewpoint of my wife. It just didn’t feel right. Instead, I chose to write mine from the perspective of my son. This way I could really lean in to the impact I had on him and my other kids as a dad. Maybe you want to do the same. Feel free to get creative here. You could even decide to write it as if your spirit is eulogizing the former you.

Don’t Edit

This is essential. Suppress your inner editor. When you’re getting started don’t think, Just write. It doesn’t have to be perfect the first time around. If you get too caught up on making things perfect you’ll never get it done. You’ll either give yourself too many chances to quit, or you’ll run out of precious time to get it done. Remember, the goal here is to make progress and capture the thoughts you have swirling inside of your head. It's tempting to carefully review all of your writing as you go, but its also very time consuming and not all that productive. Resist the urge to nail it down the first time around.

Peeling Back the Layers of Your Perfect Life

How Do You want to be remembered?

Time goes by so fast. It’s truly the one thing we can never get back. It's the thing that most dads would say they never have enough of, yet also routinely waste doing things that really don’t matter. As you write your own eulogy you’ll begin to discover what living the most perfect life looks like to you and you’ll answer the question, “How do you want to be remembered?”

What kind of man do you want to be?

Think about how you want to be remembered. What words would people choose to describe how you lived your life? Don’t worry if these words don’t describe the life that you’re living right now. Remember, this is how you’d want your eulogy to read someday, not necessarily how it would sound if it was read tomorrow.

As I engaged in this process I discovered a few words that I want to be synonymous with how I live my life. One of them is patience. I want to be remembered as a patient man. I’ve always considered myself to be somewhat patient, but ever since my 4th child was born practicing patience has become a whole new challenge. Despite that, I want my kids to remember me as a dad who exemplified patience throughout my entire life. I want them to remember me as the dad they could come to no matter what they were faced with. I want to be the lighthouse that helps to guide them back to shore when the storms of life make it hard for them to see the safety of land.

Another word that I’d like used to describe the way I lived my life is loving. I make it a point to tell my kids that I love them multiple times every single day, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. A huge part of the legacy I want to leave for my kids includes them knowing that despite the multitude of mistakes I will make over the years I loved them like nobody else in the world was capable of. I want them to know, deep down in the depths of their soul, how much they meant to me. I don’t want them to ever have to wonder if their dad loved them or was proud of them. I want to show them just how much I loved their mom and that she was my queen and partner in life. For all of this to really come through I need my actions to do the talking.

What kind of man do you want to be remembered as? Don’t take this question lightly. Think about it as you write. What words do you want to exemplify your life as a man, husband and father?

The Power of Visualization

I have been through a few visualization exercises throughout my life, with varying degrees of success, but I’ve never experienced anything like the images I saw as I worked through this exercise. I envisioned powerful thoughts like my wife and I dancing at our 50th-anniversary party as our children looked on with pride, joy, and love hoping they too would feel the same way about their spouses someday.

I saw my kids gathering together to share stories and support each other as they were grieving the loss of their father. They spoke of how thankful they were that they didn’t have to wonder if their dad loved them. They didn’t have to wonder if I was proud of them or their kids? They knew it, because of the way that I had lived my life.

Don’t rush this process. Take all the time you need to do it right. Reflect on what you’re writing, thinking and feeling. I’d also encourage you to set aside time to do some visualization. You never know what powerful images your mind’s eye might reveal to you.

What is Your Purpose?

What gets you out of bed in the morning? (other than your kids)? What can you do, even when you are totally exhausted, and yet still summon the energy and desire you need to push through? I believe God has a purpose for every dad out there. We just need to be willing to be still, listen and allow Him the time to reveal this purpose in our life.

My purpose is to help dads break away from ordinary fatherhood by accepting the mission to live as a hero dad. I never would have started this blog if God hadn’t opened my eyes up to this opportunity in my life. As I wrote my eulogy I was surprised to see how strong this purpose came through. It was written to be an integral part of my life.

God has given me the courage and determination to keep pressing on through this challenging season of life, negative self-talk and lack of time so that His purpose can continue to take root in my life. Is there something in your life that you’d consider to be more than just a hobby, or more than just a career? What in your life do you feel pulled towards, yet simultaneously have significant fears about? Don’t ignore that. On the other side of fear, lies great opportunity. Refuse to let fear scare you into staying in your safety zone.

Closing the Gaps In Your Life

I remember working to finish the ending of my eulogy and realizing that I’d be extremely blessed and proud to have lived a life like the one I just penned. The other thought that came to mind was that if I want to be able to have lived this life I’m going to need to make some changes. There are significant gaps in my life. That’s not a bad thing. It actually provides me with the roadmap I need to start living a life I can be proud of. It’s a guide for living out the legacy that I want to leave for my kids.

Gap #1: My Faith

My faith is more important to me than anything else in the world, but from the outside looking in you probably wouldn’t know that. As I think about this part of my life, I fall short in just about every aspect. Reading the bible and making time to pray are two things I need to be much more intentional about making time for. Despite those shortcomings, something else hit me even harder.

There is a part in my eulogy that says, “It was his faith and reliance on God that brought him through difficult times in life like this. Whenever he was stuck or needed guidance about something he’d go for a walk or find a quiet place and pray.” I’m completely missing the mark here. It's easy to use “being too busy” as an excuse for almost everything, and my faith fell prey to this agreement I made with myself.

Now, it's time to close the gap. In order to do that, I’m going to start small and read or listen to 1 chapter of the bible each day, as well as commit to starting and ending my day with prayer. I also want to choose to listen to the promptings I receive to pray outside of those scheduled times and commit to go to God first when I feel lost and need help.

Gap #2: Treating Her Like A Queen

This agreement of “being too busy” has also affected my relationship with my wife. The season I’m in right now makes it difficult to spend time with her as I’d like to, and that was something we both expected. Still, a challenging season of life is not an excuse to ignore your marriage. For my wife to feel like a queen she needs to feel seen, heard and safe. For her, subtle gestures of love like a gentle touch, holding her hand or rubbing her back fills her love tank. I also have noticed that our kids are at the age where they are really starting to notice the world around them, even subtle things like how I treat her. If I want my wife to feel cherished and my kids to see how much I truly care about their mom then I need to start treating her like the queen she is. I must make it a priority to show her and the kids through my actions that she is my queen.

Where are the gaps in your life? Pay attention as you are writing your own eulogy so you can identify where you need to get better to live the life you want to live for your family. Once you have identified the gaps you need to start working on what you can do to close them. Start small if you have to. It’s time to make some changes and take steps toward living out the life you want.

Taking the time to write your own eulogy will provide clarity and the gift of seeing what living your idea of a perfect life would feel like. Engaging in visualization exercises may show you powerful pictures of what your marriage or the relationship with your kids could look like. It may even help you to uncover what your true purpose is. Not only does it show you where you’re winning, but it also reveals the gaps in your life that need to be filled. Don’t be like most dads and let your life go by without ever thinking of the legacy you want to leave behind for your wife and kids. Make the commitment to write your eulogy and discover what it would feel like to live your perfect life.

If you want to learn more skills to help you break away from being an ordinary father and live as a hero dad then follow Hero Dad Mission on Facebook or Instagram. You can also sign up to receive this blog and other practical tips via email. It’s time to accept the mission to be the hero dad that your kids need you to be.

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Why Writing Your Own Eulogy Makes You a Better Dad