9 Musts For Dads With Young Daughters
Many future dads dream of having a son that will carry on the family name. They look forward to chucking the football around the backyard, sharing a tree stand in the woods, or restoring a classic car together. Oftentimes what happens though is that many of those same dads-to-be end up having daughters and are left wondering where to start.
There is a reason that one of the most popular searches among the “dadiverse” is anything that includes the word daughter. It's because, for many dads, raising a little girl doesn’t come naturally. I’m a dad of what is typically described as the million-dollar family (one boy, one girl), except in my case I have twin boys and two girls. So I guess it’s a 2 million-dollar family. I was over the moon about having my boys, but I was saving room in my heart for that future “daddy’s girl” I hoped I’d have someday.
Not long after my boys were born, four months to be exact, I found out that my wife and I were surprised and shocked to find out that we’d be having our third baby. Eventually, we discovered we were having our first girl. The 2nd came three and half years later. Having daughters is one of the most beautiful, yet challenging things I’ve ever had the blessing of doing. In this article, I’ll lay out 9 powerful things I’ve learned over the better part of 3 years, that other dads with young daughters need to know.
1. Love Her Mom
You probably already assumed that how you treat your spouse stands to play a large role in your daughter’s life. It’s actually even more important than you think.
Dr. Robert Epstein conducted a study to determine the 10 most effective parenting practices, which he called the “parenting 10.” The first, unsurprisingly, was love and affection. The next two were a bit of a shock. Second, on the list was the ability to manage stress. The most relevant to this point though, is number three, relationship skills. What this means is that treating your daughter right starts with treating yourself and your partner right.
2. Take Her On Dates
“It's important to spend 1 on 1 time with all of your children, but it’s even more crucial with daughters. Right now you are the most important man in your daughter’s life, but every dad knows that someday this role will switch to another man. When it does, don't you want her to be with someone that will cherish her and treat her with the love and respect she deserves? Then you need to model that for her first.
Make it important to take her out on regular dates. It’s your job to ensure that she feels special. Dress up a bit if you can and complement her on her clothes. Also, be sure to make it a point to tell her how beautiful she is. Put your phone away and give her your full attention. Remember, how you treat your young daughter and the relationship you have with her will shape her thought process when it comes to finding the right spouse.
3. Give Her Hugs
Your young daughter wants to feel adored, cherished and loved. Whether or not her love language is physical touch is irrelevant. You need to hug her, hold her and give her kisses. If you don’t make it a point to give her appropriate physical attention now, as she gets older she’ll start to seek it elsewhere.
Take advantage of those moments when she extends her hand toward you, trusting that you’ll grab it and lead her in the right direction. One of the things I treasure most about my 3-year-old daughter is when she asks me to hold her and wraps her arms tightly around my neck. I’m her safe place. I know it won’t be that way forever, so I cherish moments like this while I still can.
Keep in mind that as your young daughter gets older it’s likely that not only will she stop holding your hand, but you’ll have to work harder for those hugs that used to come so easily. (more on that later)
4. Tell Her She's Beautiful
We talked about this a little already, but it’s so important that it bears repeating. Deep down in her heart, your little girl wants to know she’s beautiful. She dresses up like her favorite fairytale princess, subtly tiptoes around in her tutu at ballet class or begs to put on more of mommy’s makeup. It’s part of who she is and who God made her to be.
Don’t believe me? All you have to do is pay attention to what she asks you when she puts on that dress for the fiftieth time. “Daddy don’t I look beautiful?” You are the male influence in your young daughter’s life. You are the most important man she knows. She cares what you think. It means everything to her.
It’s your job to take notice. Pay attention. When she dresses up like Elsa, don’t wait for her to ask you how she looks. Tell her yourself. When she shows you her freshly painted nails tell her how pretty they look. In addition to that, teach her that beauty isn’t just about her appearance, but also about the condition of her heart. If you do that, you're setting her up for success going into her more formative years.
5. Be Present and Listen
Being present with your kids is important. It’s especially important that you spend regular quality time with your daughter, so she doesn’t become what U.S. psychology professor Linda Nielsen calls “father-hungry.” This is a term used to describe girls that grew up without a meaningful, comfortable or conversational relationship with their dads. These girls, hungry for male attention, affirmation, and validation, often make rash and unhealthy decisions when it comes to finding the right man.
This is why connecting with your daughter and being present is so important. You’ve got to make the decision to put your phone back in your pocket and give her your undivided attention.
When you put in the work to have a healthy, loving relationship with your young daughter you’re also helping her to find a more caring and supportive spouse. Dr Nielsen discusses the effects a loving dad can have on his daughter’s future marriage, “Women who grow up with meaningful, comfortable, conversational relationships with their dads make better choices in who they date, sleep with and marry”
6. Be Her Hero
If your daughter is anything like mine you’re vanquishing countless amounts of bugs, reassuring her monsters aren’t real and even how to accomplish less scary things like going on the potty for the first time. Ensuring that she feels safe comes with the territory.
Teach her to have courage and face her fears of swimming, spiders and being in the dark. The best way to accomplish this is to live this way yourself. Tell her about a situation where you were scared and had to summon your own courage to face this situation. If she knows even her dad gets scared and keeps going, she might have all the motivation she needs to do that herself.
You also need to teach her how to handle herself in situations with more immediate dangers like crossing the street, protecting herself around strangers, and avoiding sharp objects.
As I’ve said before, you are the man in her life, which means you’re also her protector and security. Whether or not you know it, you’re already a hero in her eyes. Now, you just have to act like one.
7. Laugh With Her
One of the best parts about being a dad is having the excuse to show your silly side and act like a kid yourself. As we get older we lose some of that innocence and imagination that we had when we were kids, but our kids can help us tap into that world again.
For me being silly is second nature. Most times I’d say it's harder for me to hit the pause button on playtime, rather than the other way around. Here are a few of the things I love to do to encourage fun and inspire laughter with my younger daughter
Take silly selfies with her at bedtime
Make funny voices and do goofy impressions
Have hardcore tickle fights
Play monster and run after her
As your baby girl grows the pressure and stresses of life will become more prevalent in her world. This is why it's important for you to laugh with her. If she knows that it's okay sometimes not to take life so seriously she’ll have something to keep the anxiety and tensions of life at bay.
8. Never Stop Chasing Her
One of my daughter’s favorite things to do right now is for me to chase her around the yard. Her love language is physical touch, and it's very obvious. What she’s looking for is to be desired, noticed, and loved. I'm not sure what she likes more: when I chase her, or when she gets caught. In either case, she’s pretty easy to please right now, but I know a day is coming when she won’t want me to chase her as much.
As your young daughter grows, raising her is likely to become more challenging. Eventually, if you’re like me, you’re expecting her not only to not want to be chased, but possibly even pushing you away.
It's times like these where you can’t give up. Your job as a dad is to never stop pursuing your daughter. Especially when it feels as though she’s runny away faster than ever. She probably won’t say it, but these are the times that she needs you the most. Never stop chasing her.
9. Pray With Her
As a dad, it's your job to be the shield that protects your daughter from the dangers of this world. Still, despite your best efforts there will always be things that happen to her that you alone can’t do anything about.
So what do you do? I hate to tell you this, but there isn’t anything you can do, aside from one thing. Cover her in prayer, and equip her with God’s armor to keep her safe no matter what the situation.
I believe strongly in the power of prayer. I do this with all of my kids during their bedtime routine every evening. You can even let her lead the family prayer if she’s comfortable. Let her decide who, or what she’d like to pray for and encourage her to keep doing it.
Being intentional about instilling a strong sense of faith and belief in God in your young daughter ensures she’ll have somewhere to go with her anxious thoughts, worries, and fears even when you’re not around. Combine that with your own prayers for her protection and well-being and you can be at peace knowing she’s in good hands.
Shane Achey | Hero Dad Mission
Shane Achey, founder of the Hero Dad Mission, is a devoted husband of 10 years and a dad four times over. His twin 4-year-old boys, 3-year-old little girl, and 7-month-old daughter mean everything to him. Shane’s mission is to help men go from being ordinary fathers to hero dads.
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Much like powerful CEO’s, the thing that good fathers understand is that the road to achieving success is largely paved with failure.