Why You Shouldn’t Rush Your Kid’s Bedtime Routine
Putting the kids to bed can be a stressful experience for dads. Let's face it, having little kids isn’t easy. When the end of the day comes you're exhausted and so are they, even if they don’t want to admit it.
The last thing you usually feel like doing is fighting with your kids to brush their teeth, put on their pajamas, or get settled into their beds. Avoid focusing on tasks and instead, look for connection.
I’m going to tell you why you shouldn’t rush your kid’s bedtime routine. In addition, I’ll give you a few pointers to make this common experience more enjoyable for you and your kids.
Why Is My Kid's Bedtime Routine So Important?
If They Sleep You Sleep
First and foremost, your kids must have a consistent bedtime routine so they learn to get comfortable with the process and sleep well for you. You know as well as I do if your kids don’t sleep well, then neither do you.
Consistency and predictability are key. Most kids thrive in this type of environment. That’s not to say you can’t switch it up from time to time, but you should try to keep things pretty similar from one day to the next.
What the Research Shows
Practicing a healthy bedtime routine with your kids is likely to help avoid whining and other behavioral issues the following day. Who hasn’t experienced a day with a child who was running low on sleep? Talk about making it difficult for yourself.
The research shows what you probably already know. A healthy bedtime routine helps to improve your kid’s cognitive ability, memory retention and attentiveness. Studies are also pretty insistent that good sleep habits practiced by kids result in better academic results and improved sociability.
It’s important to ensure your kids get the recommended amount of sleep for their age as regularly as possible to promote positive health and growth.
Let’s be realistic. Sometimes this just isn’t feasible, but it's still good to know what your kids should be getting so you can do your best to adhere to those guidelines most of the time.
What NOT To Do Before Bedtime
Bedtime should be a time where you get to wind down and connect with your kids. If you dread putting your kids to bed there’s likely some improvements you can make to change that.
No Screens
Plopping your kids in front of the TV before bed is seen by many as a means for quieting kids down. Sure, it keeps them quiet for a bit, but it’s likely making them more alert rather than preparing them for rest.
That blue light emitted by screens like those on smartphones or televisions can really mess up regular sleep patterns. Try to limit your little ones' exposure to electronic devices and even television at least an hour before bedtime.
No Sugar
For most dads, this one probably goes without saying. Sugary drinks and food will cause your kid’s energy levels to rise, making it more difficult for them to fall asleep. If your going to give sugar to your kids then let them have it earlier in the day.
If your kids prefer a drink before they hit the sack stick with either water or milk. Snacks are okay too, but keep them sugar-free.
Don’t Let Them Run Around
Ideally, you should have your kids get the majority of their energy out during the day and not right before bedtime.
Admittedly, this guideline is one that I cross from time to time. Sometimes that's the only part of the day that works for my family to engage in this type of play. There are times where doing this makes it difficult to keep the kids calm and relaxed during the bedtime routine.
If this is a rule you break as well, it’s important to lower your expectations for that evening’s bedtime routine. It’s very difficult for kids to flip the switch from wild and crazy to calm and peaceful the way you’d like them to. Be reasonable.
If this is a guideline you might choose to cross too, let me make a suggestion. Read a book or have a time of prayer before you head up to bed. This will help promote peace and quiet and provide a better transition into the bedtime routine for your kids.
Bedtime Is A Time To Connect
A healthy bedtime routine fosters connection between you and your kids. It’s a great reason not to leave your kid’s bedtime routine for your spouse to handle. It's important that dads play a role in the process too.
Multiple studies suggest keeping your kids’ bedtime routine short and sweet. This is another area where I see things a little differently.
Ask yourself this question. In 15 years will I regret limiting the connection I could have made with my kids during bedtime for the sole purpose of speeding up the process?
I struggled with this question for a while. On one hand, my needs are very important. Of course spending more time with my kids means less “me time.”
Still, for me the answer to the question above is a resounding Yes. The potential regret I might have is just not worth rushing through that sacred time with my kids.
Here’s how I came to that conclusion. One night I was rushing through bedtime with my boys. The more questions they asked or attention they sought the more annoyed I became. I was ready to have my time.
As I closed the door to their room, I recognized the annoyance I felt inside. I paused and reflected for a brief moment. I felt the holy spirit prompting me with a simple question. “What are you doing,” I repeated the question to myself out loud.
I realized this isn’t what I wanted. Due to that night, I now regularly make the choice to read an extra story, sing another song, or answer a few more questions at bedtime.
What I understand now is that I will never get that time back. Sometime in the future, my kids are going to stop asking me to do these things. When that time comes and I ask myself the question, “Do I have any regrets about not spending enough time with my kids at bedtime?” I hope I can confidently answer No.
Ways to Connect During Your Kid’s Bedtime Routine
This will look different for every family, but the following are some things that I do with my kids to connect with them before they go to bed.
Read A story Or Two
One of the best and most popular ways of building connection during your kid’s bedtime is reading a couple of stories to them. You might choose to get your kids involved by letting them pick the books they want to hear. Be warned though, if your child is indecisive you’ve just prolonged the bedtime routine.
You can ratchet up the fun simply by making some silly voices as you read. You can also make it more of an interactive experience by asking your kids questions about what they’re hearing or letting them guess what might happen next.
Sing A Song
My kids love to sing songs as a part of their bedtime routine. It’s fun and helps them to calm down. If it’s not already a part of your normal bedtime routine with your kids it’s worth thinking about. Not sure what songs to sing? Here’s a list with lyrics that might be helpful.
If you get tired of singing the same old songs over and over again you can just make up your own. This is something I like to do. It keeps me from getting bored and the kids love it.
Oddly enough, they request my made-up songs more often than not. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Messy is okay, in fact, your kids might even respond better the goofier and less sense you make. Just do the best you can and have fun with it.
I like to ask my kids what they want to hear a song about. Then I adapt that topic to the lyrics of an already popular tune that my kids are familiar with.
Ask Questions
I’m sure you know that kids don’t typically need to be encouraged to ask questions. That's something they’re usually pretty good at. My kids are no different, and bedtime is one of their favorite times to do this.
On rare occasions, I’ll ask them if they have any questions for me. I’m careful to put a limit on it to keep things under control.
It’s a great way to encourage your kids to be curious and get them excited about learning new things. It’s also interesting to see what questions, or topics they’re interested in knowing more about. If you’re not sure about an answer, be honest about that. Figure it out with them.
Pray
Every night we reinforce to our kids how important it is to pray for the well-being of their siblings, mom and dad, their neighbors, and friends. We teach them about the power and importance of prayer in their lives. We show them, through our own prayers, how they can pray themselves.
We like to invite them to pray for someone or something that’s important to them and then give them the space to do so.
Take Time To Teach
I’m constantly trying to teach my kids new things or reinforce important ideas, or concepts. One of the ways I go about this is simply reviewing the lessons my kids may have learned that day and reinforce those things with them at bedtime. You might even include some things you read that night.
Affirm Your Kids
We also like to do affirmations to remind our kids of their identity. We like to make sure they are reminded daily who they are at their very core.
If this is something you want to do with your own kids during their bedtime routine you can either make up something that works for your family or watch the video and steal the ones we say with our kids.
If it's warranted I also like to tell my kids I’m proud of them and cite the reason/s why. I’ll always give them a hug, a kiss, and tell them that I love them before leaving the room as well. Your kids need to hear these things from you.
Kids view their mom as someone who has to love them, but they believe that their dad’s love and affection has to be earned. Those words of affirmation from you are so meaningful.
Remember what it felt like to hear your own dad so he was proud of you? Don’t you want your kids to feel that way too? It only takes a few words from you to ensure they will.
Conclusion
If the proper measures aren’t taken you can really set your kids’ bedtime routine up for failure. The good news is that all it takes is a few simple tweaks and the process becomes both more effective for your kids and much more enjoyable for you.
The next time you find yourself wanting to bail on bedtime so you can have a little bit of extra “me time,” ask yourself the following question. “Later in life will I regret not connecting with my kids more over their bedtime routine? Make sure you allow yourself to answer honestly, carefully and thoughtfully. Once that time is gone you can never get it back.
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Shane Achey | Hero Dad Mission
Shane Achey, founder of the Hero Dad Mission blog, is a devoted husband of nearly 10 years. He is also a father to 4 kids, twin 4 year old boys, a 3 year old little girl and his newborn daughter. Shane’s vision is to walk alongside other men, helping them become the heroes they’re meant to be.
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Much like powerful CEO’s, the thing that good fathers understand is that the road to achieving success is largely paved with failure.